The Day I Was Outnumbered

Einstein’s theory of General Relativity is widely accepted now, but for one small problem – It’s completely and utterly wrong.  Einstein theorizes that gravity wells cause a blue shift of light, and subsequent time dilation, however he didn’t take into consideration the impact children have on how slowly that second hand ticks.

This last weekend K was the Maid of Honor at a friend’s wedding.  With 2 under 2 I decided it would be inappropriate for me to go, however I sent my best wishes with my wife and kept the kids at home.  She left at 8:30 just after everyone was fed for the morning.  Spirits were high, so we went for a walk.

Now I know how long our usual route takes, and I didn’t go much farther, yet somehow it took about half the time that it usually does. When we got home I started preparing for snack time, only to find out it hadn’t quite been 40 minutes.  Certain that our microwave clock was malfunctioning I checked my entire watch collection, my phone, the stove, the computer, and I texted my parents in Spain, subtracted 5 hours, and… HOW IS IT ONLY 9:10?!

Clearly I needed to plan better.  I set alarms 20 minutes before T’s snack and lunch times, figured out about when Remy would need to eat, packed up a diaper bag, and got in the car.  We were going to play group.

Our local community centre runs a great dad’s program every Saturday morning.  With Remy in the carrier I followed T around from static generating slide to paint station and back again, hoping he would wear himself out over the next 2 hours.  He’s gotten great at letting us know when he’s hungry and sure enough just before my alarm went off he was asking for snack.  Once refueled he was back at it, playing with the toy tool set and lecturing the stuffed animal gallery on the finer points of using a shoe as a hammer.

We were just getting ready to leave when Remy woke up and was suddenly hungry.  T settled in with a mountain of play-dough while we warmed up and polished off a bottle I had prepared then it was back home for a nap.

With both kids blissfully asleep I decided to close my eyes as well.  That was the fastest 2 hours of my life – Explain THAT Mr. ‘Gravity wells are the only thing that can distort time’.  While Remy wakes up quietly and slowly, content to thrash around in her crib, T is a crier.  When he’s awake he wants to be up and about, none of this lounging nonsense!

Now that the afternoon was free and the family was awake again we decided to tackle some yard work, then took a nice trip to the mall.  I’m wondering if K actually arranged this so closely to Mother’s day, because all this extra time DEFINITELY lent itself to additional shopping.   We wandered aimlessly around the mall for hours, and then head home for dinner, reading, bath time, and bed.

I looked at the clock when I climbed in to bed.  It was 8:30, and I was exhausted.  I’ve never been so happy to enjoy 78 hours of family time in a 12 hour day.  Einstein may have been wrong about why time slows down, but if his family was half as cool as mine, I’m sure he would love every prolonged second of it.

Good luck out there.

1 thought on “The Day I Was Outnumbered”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: