How To React When Someone Condescends To Your Husband:

Thanks to K for today’s guest post, it’s wonderful to have such a supportive partner in life.  We all do our best, to assume otherwise can be infuriating.  Without further ado, her reaction to the implication that I wouldn’t help when #2 arrives:

Hi everyone, this is K, Kevin’s other half and mother to the wee baby T. I needed to share something that happened to us that seems so ubiquitous, but is so troubling, I just had to share with you.

While at the Toronto Home Show last weekend, I was stopped by a saleswoman who notice my growing baby bump and Kevin pushing Theodore in the stroller and remarked, “Wow, you’re going to be a busy mamma.” “Yes I am.” I said slowing down slightly. She then turned her attention to Kevin and said, “Now you make sure to help!”

[Outraged sigh]

This systemic idea of dads as useless, tragi-comic characters in their own lives is problematic. We see this trope everywhere, from the “Homer Simpson” negligent father to the bumbling idiot often portrayed in commercials who can’t figure out how to scrub a dish clean. This is cultural narrative we tell ourselves is bordering on dangerous.

First of all, parents, remember it’s possible to be multifaceted:

  • Watch sports + be a hands-on parent
  • Be a feminist + raise a strong son
  • Make bad puns + have a great sense of fashion

You do not have to be one thing. You don’t have to be the bumbling idiot, and at the same time, you don’t need to have every answer.

The double standard implied when the saleswoman at the Home Show suggested that Kevin “help me” with the kids was two-fold. The first addressed above, but the second is she unwittingly placed all the responsibility of raising children, being a wife, and essentially holding a family together, solely on my shoulders. That kind of pressure is crushing.

I am not Atlas, holding the world of my children, husband, family, friends, pets and future on my shoulders; and neither are you. Whatever your family situation is, however you have divided up your responsibilities, don’t ever let someone try to imply that as a father, you are anything less than equal, or as a mother, you are responsible for holding up the world.

So to answer the titular question, how to react when someone condescends to your husband, tell them to think before they speak.

 

Good luck out there.

1 thought on “How To React When Someone Condescends To Your Husband:”

  • I’m so sorry you two had to experience this, but I think it is still the commonly held conception of much of the world today that Mom will do the work around the house. This well meaning lady probably didn’t even think of the negative aspects of her comment. She probably thought she was supporting K. More likely she was reflecting based on her own experiences and the historical perspective of family member roles. The role of men and women in the home are changing, but sadly, most single parent homes are run by the mother. And often, though we wish it was different, it IS a reality that the mom still does the majority of the household childbearing responsibilities. In the 2/3rd world of the underprivileged people groups around the world most hold this conception as well. It’s the women who stay home, do most of the work there, and are “under” the man. So, it’s hard when you are the minority in history, current reality, and majority implementation. It’s a common misconception that child rearing is purely a woman’s responsibility. Ideally we should have equality within our home. Thank God that Kevin is such a supportive husband and dad! Dads are so important in the lives of children; girls and boys. Children thrive in a home where they see both parents sharing love and responsibility! They can see that their father is a leader and a servant at heart to those he loves.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: